ERR-OR. Sentence Fragment.

On the eve of Super Bowl CCXCVII, let us take a moment to examine a particularly fascinating aspect of sports broadcasting, one that many people typically digest unaware, like the thousands-plus calories present in a typical McDonald's value meal.

Recall the last sporting event that you either watched on TV or listened to on the radio. Can you still hear the voices of the announcers and color analysts who were calling the play-by-play and providing commentary on the competitors' current winning streak, assist-to-turnover ratio, or ballpark-adjusted O.P.S.? Excellent.

Now, pretend for a moment that you were deaf, and were watching the same sporting event with closed-captioning on. What does the close-captioning feed look like? Perhaps something like this?

Allen to Garnett on the block. Better hurry. Kicks it out to Pierce and-- batted away by Iverson! Recovered by Perkins, but a 24-second shot-clock violation.

Or this?

Two out, bases loaded for Ortiz. Ortiz hitting .352 with runners in scoring position. This Yankee crowd getting a little uneasy. Sabathia into the stretch. The pitch. Line shot down the first-base line! One run in. Ellsbury right behind. Nady having trouble getting it out of the corner. Pedroia rounding third, the throw to the plate. Not in time! And the Red Sox take a 5-4 lead on a bases-clearing triple by David Ortiz.

Now, riddle me this: if you were to transcribe the play-by-play commentary for an entire sporting event and hand it into your high school English teacher, how many boxes of red pens would he or she have to buy (assuming Costco bulk quantities) to elevate the grammar to an acceptable level?

Indeed, most sports announcers speak in sentence fragments, and I think that this is something we easily accept because those fragments are mostly descriptive in nature and complement what we can otherwise plainly see (or hear) about the event and situation in question. There does appear to be some variation from sport to sport, however.

Referencing the above examples, I've found that most baseball commentators frequently omit the word "is" (and "there is") from their sentences, even in between plays when there is no action to describe and including the "is" would produce a complete, grammatically-sound sentence. (e.g., "Ortiz hitting .352 with runners in scoring position.") Basketball announcers, by contrast, seem to have a tendency to end their sentences in nouns that directly reference a rule of the game that has just been applied (e.g., "Recovered by Perkins, but a 24-second shot-clock violation" or "Roy drives through the lane, and a foul!") And although I haven't watched enough football to pick up on any patterns (maybe I can use Joe Buck's cross-sport announcing as a constant), tomorrow's Super Bowl may provide an ample opportunity if and when the Steelers find themselves up by 47 points.

In closing: if you're planning on taking the TOEFL, please be careful not watch any sports, because they will cause you to fail.

Next time: transcribing movie trailers, and the hilarity that ensues.