Teacup Politics

As I watch the political convention circuses run their course, I've become increasingly struck (and alarmed) by the degree to which the two parties differ not in their beliefs and viewpoints, but in their observation of the facts that give rise to these viewpoints. There's definitely one side with which I tend to agree much more often than the other (and in more naive times I've even taken sides with another), but it's still disturbing to hear both sides (perhaps one a bit more often than the other) twist simple, objective facts into half-truths and outright lies that have little value in terms of their ability to suggest and provide any semblence of solution to the Average American (the definition of which can sometimes only mean the wealthiest 2% of us).

And so, in this spirit, I present to you a simple cup of tea, as viewed through the eyes of both major parties at their political conventions. (Note that my presentation may be slightly affected by my conviction that the VP acceptance speech that I just watched was largely based on a fictional reality that some people want all of us to accept as truth, and go to great lengths to suggest that we "don't get it" if we happen to disagree.)

Party #1: "Look at this tea cup! It is filled with a warm, aromatic Earl Grey with a dash of cream. Why, then, is it served with two lemon slices, if most people do not like their tea with both cream and lemon -- surely you're joking, Mr. Feynman! Perhaps we should make it a policy to always serve both the cream and lemon separate from the tea itself, so that people may be empowered to choose for themselves whether they want lemon or cream. And if they want both -- well, although I'd personally never do it, who am I to decide what one does with tea, lemon, and cream within the privacy of one's own home?

Party #2: Here before us stands the finest wine decanter in all the land. Made of the highest quality glass blown and shaped by American Standard Glass in Wichita, Kansas -- the heart of the American great plains! -- she proudly holds a full bottle of your favorite Appalachian-made wine. How could anyone not recognize and appreciate the simple, elegant beauty of its craftmanship? Nevermind what the tea-loving, elitist news media might suggest: this piece was not meant to hold Earl Grey! (After all, we valiantly fought off the British in 1776 and again in 1812 -- why would we disgrace this work of art with such a vile liquid?) Its use is quite simple and straightforward: simply open the wine bottle of your choosing and empty its contents into the decanter -- that's it! There's no need to add lemon, cream, or any other unnecessary foreign substance... and since there is no such need, why don't we enact legislation requiring that wine decanters of this quality only hold the finest wines -- those made in Appalachia, of course -- and no other drink?